We saw her from the window. There she was, in her entirely too short shorts, shaking her entirely too large ass. We laughed heartily. When the traffic had finally subsided she crossed the street and entered the store. She approached the counter with a beer and there was much giggling.

She repeatedly told us that she had to buy some crack. She asked for a paper towel to wipe the beads of sweat off of her forehead. She made a few more references to crack. She backed away from the counter and informed us that she was bumping Lil Wayne in her earbuds. A few more crack references. Customers were beginning to be visibly disturbed. And then things got weird.

She told my coworker that she was a vampire. He asked if she was going to bite him. She said that her people were evil. Then she starts babbling loudly and incoherently. Something about how they were going to eat her pussy. Over the course of the next two minutes she told us that she would be getting her pussy eaten several more times.

None of it made much sense, but everyone in earshot was suppressing laughter. We weren’t sure why, or what we had just witnessed. But we knew that this cracked out vampire who was bumping Lil Wayne would be getting her pussy eaten. And at least for the time being, that was all that mattered.