I was awoken last night by what I can only hope was a prank. Here’s a transcript of my text message conversation with an unknown number:

 

Mystery person: I’m not sure how to say this, but… I’m pregnant.

Me: Who is this?

MP: Who do you think it is? How many girls are you fucking?

Me: At the moment, none. I think you have the wrong number.

MP: Don’t be a jerk. You don’t have to be a part of his life but I want child support.

Me: I have no idea what you’re talking about. It’s been months since I was with anyone and I don’t know who you are. You have the wrong number and I’m trying to sleep, so please stop texting me.

 

So yeah. That happened. Like I said, I hope it’s a prank… because really, who the fuck tells their boyfriend they’re pregnant via text message? Shouldn’t that at the very least warrant an “I think we need to talk…” text? Has technology so ruined this generation that we announce major life-changing things with a few strokes of our iPhones? Please let this be a prank – the modern equivalent to “is your refrigerator running?” If not, I just don’t know what hope remains for our society. And I’m pretty sure either way, Siri is somehow behind this.

 

 

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